When Christine (not her real name) came to me, she had many questions about her spiritual path. Her chart had numerous indicators suggesting that she was meant to thrive through a romantic relationship – her Leo rising was just one of them. So I took a deep breath and I dared to ask, “What about love?”

Christin admitted that she had never had a successful relationship and therefore gave up on finding one. I encouraged her to connect with her Sun Energy – in this case, her desire to be romantically engaged, with faith and openness. 

A year later, Christine returned for a follow-up reading and shared some very exciting news – she had found love!

But finding love was not the end; rather, it was a new beginning. Christine asked for my support in navigating the challenges of her new relationship – challenges that every relationship faces.

Last time we met, it was almost the end of our session when she said, “My biggest challenge is to let him be him and stop judging him or be too bossy.” Or something along these lines.

It so happened that just a week before, my client, Dawn (not her real name), had also spoken about her challenge of being too bossy in her relationship.

I am a bossy person. My husband likes it about me (he always reviews my posts before I send them, so let’s see what he’ll say about that :))

Today, I find that more and more of us are afraid to be demanding and bossy due to the spiritual misconception that we have to let others be who they are.

Acceptance is wonderful, but if this acceptance is inauthentic, if you pretend to accept but inside you accumulate resentment and stop appreciating the other person, if you feel the need to demand something of the other person, and you eat yourself up inside to show how accepting you are – you are causing more harm than good.

Being bossy isn’t a bad thing – being inauthentic is.

I demand that my husband take off his shoes when he walks into the house. I demand that he make an effort to keep our house well-organized. A few years ago, I urged my husband to take his health more seriously and start exercising and eating healthier.

All these demands have improved his life, my life, and the well-being of our family. But they did even more than that – when my husband accepts my suggestions, it shows me that he appreciates me, that he cares about what I have to offer him, and that he respects my opinions.

Mutual appreciation is a critical ingredient of any relationship, including friendships and family ties. We often talk about being loved, but what does it truly mean to be loved? Saying sweet words to one another is a beautiful way to express love, but if there is no appreciation and respect for each other’s knowledge, advice, and suggestions, it’s hard to feel loved.

If the other person never acts on your suggestions, or if you never act on their suggestions, then it’s just a matter of time until one of you feels unappreciated and unloved.

Your opinion and suggestions might be perceived as criticism of the other person, but if you refer to something specific they do and show appreciation for most of their other decisions, actions, and ideas, they can accept your demands and criticism.

In 2015, I visited the Body Worlds exhibition in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, which included a section named “The Happiness Project.” It said that couples tend to live healthier lives because they tend to criticize each other’s unhealthy habits. They demand health from one another and hold each other accountable.

Being bossy does not mean being controlling.

Being bossy means presenting demands that benefit the other person as much as they benefit you. But you let them choose the way they want to meet your demand. You allow them freedom and space to do things their way. For example, I didn’t control my husband’s diet and exercise regimen. He chose what worked best for him.

Leo is the sign that emphasizes our need to be appreciated and respected for who we are – that includes the way we look, our decisions, our lifestyle, our worldview, and our opinions. On the high road, Leo knows to be bossy with respect and sensitivity. On the low road, it can be overly controlling.

Finding the silver lining between being bossy and controlling is a mastery, but if you try never to be bossy or demanding while faking acceptance, you dim your light, accumulate resentment, live inauthentically, and dig a grave for your relationship.

This week, contemplate whether you feel appreciated and respected by your loved ones for your opinions and ideas. Ask them if they feel appreciated and respected by you.

If you feel a lack of appreciation, ask to hear their appreciation of you, your lifestyle, and the choices you’ve made. Reciprocate with your own appreciation of the other person in return. 

Ask yourself whether you are bossy enough, demanding enough. Where do you pretend to be accepting of others when really you are not?

I’d love to hear what you were inspired to do this week and how it went,

Have a wonderful week,

With love,

Yael