Through the last months I kept things under control. I woke up every morning filled with a sense of purpose. I met with clients, promoted my business, advanced with my book, volunteered in my community, did my taxes, organized my finances, improved my diet, went to all my yoga practices, engaged with friends, went to sleep on time, woke up on time, started Krav Maga, kept my home super organized, and did not go to sleep until everything was in the right place. All of that on top of being a devoted mother and wife.

A colleague I met this week told me that I had to soften and slow down. She said I was doing too much too hard. During our conversation, I kept justifying myself. I explained that I had to do everything I was doing, that I loved most of what I was doing (obviously not the taxes part), and that I was in a very good place and was taking good care of myself. I explained her that I had to find my strength through this dark time, and that there was no other way. My colleague kept repeating her message gently, until I noticed how defensive and hardheaded I was, and was finally able to receive her message.

And so, after our conversation, I took a break. As soon as I soften and slowed down, I was flooded with pain. I realized that I have kept things busy, organized, and neat, almost to perfection, as an escape mechanism. And even though I am the first to advocate for connecting with our pain, during the last months, I have been running away from it.

Taurus and Scorpio are two signs that deal with control issues. Taurus wants to control everything by keeping things as they are and avoiding changes at all costs. When she is at home, at the same workplace, doing what she knows best, being with people she trusts, things feel under control, and it gives her a peace of mind.

While Taurus wants to control practical things, Scorpio wants to control things that are hidden from the eye, like emotions, thoughts, and even her own psychology. She does not want to take the “easy” path of avoiding changes, so she needs to work even harder to make sure she knows exactly when, where, and how the shifts in her life unfold.

It is very natural and human to seek control, to want to feel that we rule our lives and the direction where we are heading. The question is whether we take it too far, or use our control as an escape mechanism, and hurt ourselves through the process.

When we obsess to keep things under control, we waste our energy. There is so much that is out of our control. Even when it seems like by keeping our own lives under control, we control things that are out of our reach, it really does not work this way. This effort only exhausts us and frustrates us.

Exaggerated control might direct us to the wrong places. It’s like trying to direct a river. The river, being connected with life forces and nature, has its own path, its own way. It knows who it needs to nourish, which rocks it needs to shape, where it needs to fall strongly, and where it needs to flow gently. When we try to control the river’s flow, we miss our connection with nature’s wisdom and the guidance of our spirit.

The high road of both Taurus and Scorpio is to surrender and release control. Taurus learns that she can trust the universe to support her, even if things don’t stay as they are, and that this sense of trust it was truly gives her an unshakable peace of mind.

Scorpio learns that by fully embracing things as they are, she is empowered as a healer for self and others. Instead of wasting her powers on the lost cause of keeping things under full control, she utilizes her energy to transform and thrive through the ebbs and flows of life.

It is truly hard to release control. I find myself constantly trying to shape my mood, my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts, and my responses. Whenever I feel hopeless, frustrated, or low, my instinctual response is to try to cheer myself up with eating something sweet, doing something fun, thinking empowering thoughts, or taking care of things. It is not easy to surrender to whatever comes our way. It is not easy to open ourselves to changes that we did not want. But when we learn to do that, we become the masters of life.  

On this Full Moon week, ask yourself if you tend to keep things too much under control and if it serves you well. Try to see if you can release some of your control and allow things to be as they are. Don’t forget to share your experience with me.

Have a wonderful week and a meaningful Full Moon

Yael