The room was packed, with only two or three inches between the yoga mats. With each breath, we moved quickly from posture to posture. The room was heated, and sweat dripped heavily on the rented, not-so-sticky mats. The loud music made it hard to hear the teacher’s instructions. In between downward dog, upward dog, airplane hands, and three-legged dog, the teacher shared some inspirational pearls, like “Can we just be content with life as it is?” Or “The mind is unkind; stay focused on your breath.”

There was a moment when I felt I couldn’t take it anymore. I am not a big fan of combining heat, sweat, movement, and spiritual slogans. But then the teacher said something that changed everything.

She said, “Let’s celebrate self-awareness.”

This was a profound moment of realization. For years, I’ve been trying to understand why so many of us expect ourselves to be self-aware to the degree of a Buddha. Why do we repress our pain, dissatisfaction, anger, frustration, and thoughts in the name of self-awareness?

“I’ve grown, I’ve evolved, I’ve matured. I do not hold any anger or resentment. I am content with my life and grateful for all my challenges,” I often hear. I know it isn’t true, just because we are human and never entirely overcome the challenges of being human.

“Let’s celebrate self-awareness” perfectly explains why we feel bad about ourselves. We are told that we have achieved self-awareness, so we expect ourselves to be content, even when we are not. We push away the parts of us that are not content, angry, or in pain. We push away our thoughts because, after all, we are self-aware, and self-aware people should never be dissatisfied, angry, or in pain. They should never have unkind thoughts, right?

Wrong. Pain, anger, dissatisfaction, fear, and unkind thoughts are all a part of the human condition. They make us human and kind of cute. Self-awareness does not mean pushing all we don’t want away; on the contrary, it means being aware of what we genuinely experience without judging or repressing it.

Let’s aim to celebrate our human condition authentically. Let’s forget about enlightenment, self-awareness, moksha, and the end of suffering. Let’s celebrate the pain. It is here to stay, regardless of how well we practice trikonasana or meditate. Let’s celebrate our truth. This is the best we can do.

They say that the Buddha was a Taurus. Taurueses take things slow. When yogic and Buddhist teaching were initiated, it was accepted that a student would mop his teacher’s floor for 30 years before he received one teaching. Then, he would wait 30 more years to move to the next level.

Gemini is an air sign. Air moves fast. Technology moves fast. Scrolling on social media moves fast. Our yoga practices move fast. We expect ourselves to master things that take eons to accomplish. When Buddha talked about the end of suffering, his disciples probably did not expect to achieve it in their lifetime. We believe a few years of yoga and meditation practice should make us reach enlightenment. Well, I am sorry to disappoint you. It does not work this way.

The only way out of pain is through the pain. The only way out of dissatisfaction, anger, and the other things we prefer not to think or to feel is through them. The first step is to acknowledge them and admit them. What is it that I honestly think? Don’t dismiss the mind as unkind. The mind is essential. There is a reason why you think what you think!

Gemini is the sign of the mind and thoughts. This week, the sun is in Gemini, and Jupiter moves from Taurus to Gemini. This means the coming year will be great for learning, teaching, writing, thinking, cultivating healthy friendships, and getting familiarized with the nature of our mind. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it unkind?  

Buddhists from the Mahamudra tradition believe that the essence of thoughts is the true body of a Buddha, which they call dharmakaya. These Buddhists are happy when thoughts arise because more thoughts mean more opportunities to experience the dharmakaya[1].

Gemini is the sign that asks questions and does not take anything for granted. Jupiter in Gemini is all about expanding our minds to achieve honest self-awareness that does not repress but acknowledges our experience.

This week, journal about your relationship with your mind and your thoughts. Do you like your mind or perceive it as unkind and harmful? What is the effect of believing that a part of you is bad and unkind? Can you befriend your mind? Can you thank it for all the beautiful ideas and thoughts it generates? For the problems it solves and how well it perceives, understands, processes, analyzes, and communicates information?

I’d love to hear about your relationships with your thoughts, mind, and self-awareness.

Have a wonderful week,

With love,

Yael

[1] https://tricycle.org/article/nature-of-the-mind/