Don’t let the beautiful wedding picture I posted for my tenth anniversary on social media fool you. My wedding day was not a happy one.

Our place in Umbria, Italy, looked like a stylish movie scene. The thick brick walls of what used to be a church were painted in warm, bright colors. The big windows overlooked lush green hills, lavender fields, and big decorated ceramic vases with colorful flowers. Inside, authentic farmhouse furniture and artwork created a majestic ambiance.

We enjoyed the company of our close families and friends, who connected as if we had always been one big family. But on September 12, 2014, when we planned to have our wedding celebration, I woke up to discover that I had my period. This did not only indicate physical and emotional discomfort but also that our fertility efforts following our recent miscarriage failed. Then it started pouring rain, and we had planned an outdoor event. The place’s owners encouraged me to postpone the celebrations to the next day when it was supposed to be sunny. But my family did not like the idea, because one of my brothers was coming just for the wedding night.

I was upset with my family for caring more about my brother. Then, it got worse when my husband sided with my family because he does not like changing plans, and we had a huge fight. I could not take it anymore. I felt weak and powerless on a day that was supposed to be MY day. I got to my room, hid under the blanket, and went to sleep. I did not want to get married. I did not want to smile. I did not think I could smile even if I wanted to.

While I was hiding from the world, our families were trying to do everything to cheer me up and make the wedding as beautiful as possible indoors. I was afraid to rock the boat; I did not want to cause anyone unhappiness or discomfort, so I just took it on myself to be this agreeable, miserable person who says yes and hates herself for it. I was upset at myself for my inability to be happy and go along with it. I felt like a stupid, childish drama queen and was afraid my husband’s family would stop liking me.

In the evening, the rain stopped, and the sun came out. My husband rushed to the room to tell me we could at least do the ceremony outside and then dine inside. Reluctantly, I got out of bed, wore my wedding dress, put on some makeup, and faked a smile. “I am marrying the love of my life,” I told myself, “Who cares about the wedding?”

But I cared. Even today, when I reflect on it, I still get angry. It took me years to forgive my family and husband for not standing by my side on that important day. Ten years of a beautiful, happy marriage later, I realized I never forgave myself for what happened there.

Why did I not just tell my family what I wanted and insist on it? Why did I not make the decision and communicate it clearly, as I would surely do today? My brother might have been disappointed, but he would have understood, or he would not, and that would be fine, too.

If this happened today, there would not be an issue; I would never victimize myself like that. It was my wedding, my call. It is a fact that the Yael of ten years ago was much weaker than the Yael of today, and it shows that I have evolved. Now, I need to forgive myself for being weak back then and rejoice that I am much more powerful today.

This week, on Tuesday, we have a lunar eclipse and full moon in Pisces, while the Sun is in Virgo.

Virgo and Pisces are highly sensitive, which is why they both want everyone to be peaceful and happy.They tend to avoid arguments at all costs. When they get upset, at their low road, they victimize themselves for the sake of others and escape the world. Virgo works, cleans, gardens, cooks, and organizes, while Pisces gets under the blanket, alters its consciousness, or both.

At their high road, though, Virgo and Pisces are powerful and skilled at dealing with conflicts. They know how to communicate their needs compassionately. They come with love and open hearts and express what they need.

This eclipse is an excellent opportunity to step into your power. Ask yourself if there are any situations in your life where you victimize yourself to avoid conflict or to make others happy. Where do you hide from the world instead of dealing with a challenging situation? Where do you let others make the call when you are the one to decide? Think how you will feel about things ten years from now. What would you regret if you didn’t do now? Step into your power by communicating yourself with compassion and love and making things work as you want. Don’t forget to share your experience in the comments.

Wishing you a wonderful week,

With love,

Yael