Even though I met my husband when I was forty and had plenty of relationship experiences, I still lost myself in my marriage. When we met, I was a yoga teacher with a firm body. “You are so strong,” my husband said as he appreciated my muscles for the first time. Then he said something that made me fall in love with him. He said, “I am going to make you soft.”

And so he did. After years of being in survival mode, always taking care of myself and being strong, I learned to lean on my man and allow myself sometimes to be weak, vulnerable, and soft. Four years into our marriage, I was a nurturing, long-term nursing, stay-at-home mama with no time for yoga and no muscles.

Then came COVID, a marriage crisis, and a health crisis. My husband and I started seeing a couple’s therapist, but it soon became apparent that I needed to see her on my own.

One Tuesday morning, I sat on the brown, worn-out couch before my therapist. The session opened with a long monologue about my frustration with my health issues, marriage challenges, and constant lockdowns and how they collided with starting my astrology business. I struggled to balance my domestic roles with my new aspirations, which were old aspirations that came back to life.

There was a moment of silence as my therapist closed her eyes and translated her feelings into thoughts. Then she looked at me and spoke deliberately, knowing she would say something of utmost importance. “There was the Yael of before the marriage, and there is the Yael of after the marriage. There are many aspects of yourself that you left behind. Now,” she paused to emphasize, “Is the time to integrate these aspects back to yourself.”

It made so much sense. How could I not have seen it before? The crises came to wake me up to the realization that I had left myself behind.  I loved my softer version, but while softening, I lost my strength, wild side, and ambitions to be more than a wife and a mother. I left behind the music I loved because he did not, and old friends who were just my friends and not ours. It was time to bring back the old me who loved yoga and wanted to succeed in her career and hang out with friends who were not necessarily mothers of her son’s friends.  

I was different now. I needed to figure out what brought me joy, except for my family. What music did I like? I had to give myself back to myself by starting to pay attention to myself. This was when I put my foot down and demanded that things happen my way again. I had us move to another country. I asked my husband to take on more responsibilities in parenting and our household.

I didn’t only rock the boat of my relationship; I brought a massive storm on it. It was thrust by mighty waves, spiraled in the air, and turned upside down. There were moments when it almost sank, but it did not. The more I found myself in my relationship, the better things got. The storm subsided, and I arrived at a beautiful land where I embody myself with all my glory with a partner who does the same by my side. It’s not only I who lost myself in the relationship; my husband did, too. Through the storm, he had to find himself again for himself and me; he had to integrate back part of himself that I had fallen in love with, and he lost over time.

It is natural to lose ourselves in a relationship. We all do that. When we are head over heels, we want to do everything to make the other person happy. We are ready to give them the moon. But this is not sustainable; we cannot accommodate the other person forever. Sooner or later, our real personality knocks on our doors, demanding that we return to being ourselves. And this is when relationships truly begin.

Libra is the sign of how we relate to others, not only romantically.  Libras easily turn “I” into “we” and tend to lose themselves in their relationships. Their lesson is to be authentic and loyal to themselves in their relationships.

The New Moon and Solar Eclipse in Libra present a tremendous opportunity to find ourselves in our relationships in all fields of life, including romantic, friendships, work, family, and community. This week, ask yourself if there are aspects of yourself you left behind in your relationships and whether you need to integrate these aspects back into yourself. Are there aspects of yourself that you miss from before your relationship? Are there aspects of the other person that you miss? Can you talk about these things and see how to introduce them back into your lives?

Remember that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Wishing you a wonderful week and a happy New Moon and Solar Eclipse in Libra,

With love,

Yael