“I’m going to die one day. I know it’s coming for me, too. I’ll be a mountain, I’ll be a stone on the beach. I’ll be nourishment.”

~Mary Oliver

The Make Peace with Your Childhood Wound webinar I taught with my teacher, Debra Silverman, last Friday was so full that our Zoom room could not fit everyone in. It is shocking to realize that we all carry childhood wounds within us. These wounds are caused by a lack of nourishment. Even though most of us grew up in an environment that provided for our basic needs, many of us did not have our emotional needs met. As a result, we don’t know how to seek nourishment in adulthood.

With the New Moon in Cancer, this week is a perfect opportunity to learn about emotional nourishment.

In my early thirties, while recovering from depression, I had a phenomenal therapist who transformed my life. Her name was Sima, and she had brown skin, a round face, and a soft voice. The most significant lesson that Sima taught me was about nourishment.

My depression was proof that the way I had previously led my life was managed by the trauma of losing my mother at a young age and the childhood wound of not being loved. It was the catalyst for a transformation I had to go through if I ever wanted to lead a happy life. It forced me to change all the patterns that brought me down and find the ladder to get me out of my dark hole. I was like a baby making her first steps in the world, trying to understand right from wrong and make good decisions for herself.

For example, I got used to partying and living on the edge so that I could share my crazy stories with my colleagues. Their admiration of my exciting way of life made me feel loved. The problem was that the parties and excitement did not provide nourishment, and neither did my colleagues’ admiration. But I was so used to this way of living that I did not know how to live any other way.

Whenever I was confused about the right thing to do, Sima would ask me, “Does it feel nourishing to you?”

At first, I did not know what Sima meant by nourishing, but as I started asking the nourishment question more often, I slowly understood it better. For one, I knew that my sessions with Sima were nourishing.

With time, I learned that emotional nourishment is like eating a good, healthy meal. It makes us feel satisfied in a very fulfilling way. We feel full, but not too full. We are not bloated or heavy. We don’t regret overeating. We do not feel hungry for not eating enough. We feel that the meal supports our brain activity, our mood, and our body.

Eating healthy does not come naturally for most of us, but as we get used to healthy nutrition, our bodies protest when we eat junk. Likewise, when we identify what nourishes us emotionally, we naturally avoid situations that interfere with our emotional well-being.

Nourishment can be compared with flossing. At first, I thought it was time-consuming and annoying. But as I continued flossing, I started appreciating it. I saw and smelled what the dental floss removed and realized I didn’t want this sh*t in my mouth. After flossing, my teeth felt so clean and smooth; before I knew it, I could not sleep without it.

If a relationship or friendship makes us feel unworthy, it is not nourishing, even if the other person is amazing. If eating a particular food makes us constipated and bloated, it is not nourishing, even if it is considered the healthiest superfood out there. If a situation makes us anxious and depressed, it is not nourishing, even if the world views it as a major success.

Learning to identify what was nourishing for me and what was not was the ladder that got me out of my depression. It saved my life. It helped me start making good decisions that proved themselves in the long run.

Cancer teaches us how to nourish ourselves and others in a way that supports us and does not deplete us.

On this coming New Moon in Cancer, ask yourself if you feel nourished. Who are the people who nourish you and meet your emotional needs? Which circumstances fill your emotional cup? Who do you nourish, and how does it make you feel? I’d love to hear your stories about emotional nourishment. Feel free to leave a comment.

Have a wonderful week and a happy New Moon,

With love,

Yael